He slumped over, shoulders sagging and and head bowed. She watched him deflate and felt her heart crack simultaneously. This was so far from the news they had expected. What seemed like a life-time of slammed doors and dreams dashed for them had appeared to be turning around...or so they thought – until this moment.
He wasn’t what you would call a proud man, but a man who measured himself by how well he provided for his family and whether or not his kids would look up to him. One of his greatest fears was to have his children grown and looking on him with pity, saying “well at least he tried – even if he never measured up”. He just wanted so much more for her and their children and he didn’t want it for free – he just wanted the opportunity to work for it.
He was sure that as she sat next to him in this silent moment that she was disappointed. This wasn’t the answer he had prepared her for, he was sure that at this moment he would be telling her that the job offer would mean stability and security for them. Something they really hadn’t experienced as a couple and something he had promised himself he would do for her. “I had the position lined up for you on Monday but things went in a different direction this week and I am not in a position to hire at this time” the email read. How could the position be there and waiting for him on Monday and be gone on Friday? How could he have thought this was all from God and have it ripped out of his grasp before he could get a grip? Hadn’t he prayed, “Please Lord, don’t let the rug get pulled out from under us this time!”? Hadn’t he searched for God’s hand in this and felt His leading? And now how she must think of him as a failure as a man.
As tears filled her eyes and her throat tightened she reached across to touch his face, he could barely meet her eyes. “I’m so sorry Love,” was all she could muster for the moment and they held each other, her crying – him doing his best not to. A mix of emotions would follow for both of them, anger for her – how dare they treat him this way? Shame for him – will I ever measure up? Will she ever be able to depend on me?
But she didn’t measure him the way he measured himself. The true measure of a man wasn’t about where he worked or how much money he brought in. She knew that the true measure of a man was far more intricate than such trivial things. A true man was measured by his consistant open and loving arms, by the way his children loved to brag about him, and by the way his friends and family knew he was always just a phone call away.
The true measure of a man was how his wife knew his loving heart for her just from the look in his eyes, how he could make her laugh in the midst of dark storms and the knowing that the best place in the world to be was in the crook of his strong arm at the end of each and every day.
Most of all, the true measure of a man, is how when the news isn’t what he wanted or even expected, he would turn and run to God instead of away from God. The true measure of a man is his choice to praise God under pressure. The true measure of a man is when his faith is tested; his true colours reflect his loving Saviour. The true measure of a man is when he is able to pray with his hands wide open saying “The LORD gives and the LORD takes away – Yet will I praise Him!”
The true measure of a man is when his wife can trust him to lead her to the foot of the cross under all circumstances.
And oh how he measured up...her heart welled with pride and thanksgiving for the gift of a true man!
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
"If I had enough to spare...I'd give you a piece of my mind!"
What's on your mind...the facebook status line prompts us to share what's going on in our lives, how we are feeling or where we are off to. I am often tempted to type into that line the very thing that has been in the front of my mind for days...the thing I am agonizing over...but does anyone really care?
What’s on your mind...the real question should be what SHOULD be on your mind. If we all asked ourselves that before blurting out all our crap for all 645 of our “closest” friends to read, judge and comment on we might start a new trend and actually add something to our lives.
What’s on your mind....frankly I’m not sure I have enough to spare, but if I was to share a bit of it, it would have to be that I wish all our minds were focused on Who they should be instead of our selfish ways. I would also share how sad it makes me to see how many of us, knowing better, still choose the path we want instead of the path that was lovingly cleared and paved for us long before we were here.
What’s on your mind....my mind is on the man hanging on the cross, not because he deserved it, but because he longed to save those of us who mock him, desert him, blaspheme him and spit in his face by choosing our own way. Like spoiled children we run away from his loving arms, taunting him as if He has no control over us. And knowing full well we would do this he hung there, suffering until the blood had drained out of his and his spirit left his body.
What’s on my mind is the model of true love he gave us that could save us from all the heart ache and pain we encounter, but we think we know better than the very One who planned our being, our lives and not only the path, but all the beautiful scenery along that path. And in the midst of our disobedience...he blesses us. He blesses us with breath, and health and children and we spit in His face as if His blood means nothing to us.
What’s on my mind is how He gave a guide to live by and in knowing that guide we know that to step outside of His will is to step outside of His protection. Why would we choose that? Because we don’t understand what a complete love is....because we are putting our own “spin” on HIS TRUTH.
In his book, “Graced Based Parenting” Dr. Tim Kimmel defines the kind of love that can radically change your life and can only come through you if you choose His will.
“Love is the commitment of my will to your needs
and best interests, regardless of the cost”
That’s what Jesus had in mind as He hung on that cross, not only to save us but to give us the model for the kind of love we should choose.
Let’s break it down...
1. Love is the commitment of my will...
In other words, doing the loving thing may not always come naturally to you. You may have to muster courage, say no to your fears, and place your feelings in check. Love is about making decisions based on the covenant we have with that person.
2. To your needs and best interests...
Not “to my needs and best interests.” Love sees our needs as a “B” priority compared to the best interests of the person we are called to love.
3. Regardless of the Cost...
Secure love understands that loving someone is often inconvenient and sometimes painful. It definitely means eating crow, swallowing your pride, and asking for forgiveness a lot.
What’s on my mind....that there are none so blind as those who WILL NOT see. They have baffled their own consciences, and so they walk on in darkness knowing full well that the eyes of the Lord are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good. But alas, a mocker resents correction; he will not consult the wise. And so it goes that He gave his very life, he left clear direction and even a Book to live by and we spit.
There is severe discipline for him who forsakes God's way; and he who hates reproof will die [physically, morally, and spiritually]
What’s on my mind....and my heart is my sincere desire to walk my path dotted with daisies and phlox and to stay on my path even when the bears and lions cross over it because I know whom I belong to and who will carry me past and through the storms of this life...if only I am a willing burden for Him to carry.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are lavish and deceitful.
What’s on your mind...the real question should be what SHOULD be on your mind. If we all asked ourselves that before blurting out all our crap for all 645 of our “closest” friends to read, judge and comment on we might start a new trend and actually add something to our lives.
What’s on your mind....frankly I’m not sure I have enough to spare, but if I was to share a bit of it, it would have to be that I wish all our minds were focused on Who they should be instead of our selfish ways. I would also share how sad it makes me to see how many of us, knowing better, still choose the path we want instead of the path that was lovingly cleared and paved for us long before we were here.
What’s on your mind....my mind is on the man hanging on the cross, not because he deserved it, but because he longed to save those of us who mock him, desert him, blaspheme him and spit in his face by choosing our own way. Like spoiled children we run away from his loving arms, taunting him as if He has no control over us. And knowing full well we would do this he hung there, suffering until the blood had drained out of his and his spirit left his body.
What’s on my mind is the model of true love he gave us that could save us from all the heart ache and pain we encounter, but we think we know better than the very One who planned our being, our lives and not only the path, but all the beautiful scenery along that path. And in the midst of our disobedience...he blesses us. He blesses us with breath, and health and children and we spit in His face as if His blood means nothing to us.
What’s on my mind is how He gave a guide to live by and in knowing that guide we know that to step outside of His will is to step outside of His protection. Why would we choose that? Because we don’t understand what a complete love is....because we are putting our own “spin” on HIS TRUTH.
In his book, “Graced Based Parenting” Dr. Tim Kimmel defines the kind of love that can radically change your life and can only come through you if you choose His will.
“Love is the commitment of my will to your needs
and best interests, regardless of the cost”
That’s what Jesus had in mind as He hung on that cross, not only to save us but to give us the model for the kind of love we should choose.
Let’s break it down...
1. Love is the commitment of my will...
In other words, doing the loving thing may not always come naturally to you. You may have to muster courage, say no to your fears, and place your feelings in check. Love is about making decisions based on the covenant we have with that person.
2. To your needs and best interests...
Not “to my needs and best interests.” Love sees our needs as a “B” priority compared to the best interests of the person we are called to love.
3. Regardless of the Cost...
Secure love understands that loving someone is often inconvenient and sometimes painful. It definitely means eating crow, swallowing your pride, and asking for forgiveness a lot.
What’s on my mind....that there are none so blind as those who WILL NOT see. They have baffled their own consciences, and so they walk on in darkness knowing full well that the eyes of the Lord are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good. But alas, a mocker resents correction; he will not consult the wise. And so it goes that He gave his very life, he left clear direction and even a Book to live by and we spit.
There is severe discipline for him who forsakes God's way; and he who hates reproof will die [physically, morally, and spiritually]
What’s on my mind....and my heart is my sincere desire to walk my path dotted with daisies and phlox and to stay on my path even when the bears and lions cross over it because I know whom I belong to and who will carry me past and through the storms of this life...if only I am a willing burden for Him to carry.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are lavish and deceitful.
Friday, February 08, 2008
The Gift of Motherhood
She squinted in the darkness to see the time. Three-thirty-two in the morning; had God woken her to pray again? Or had tragedy struck at that exact moment to someone she loved? She always feared the latter but chose the first. And so she prayed. Secretly she hoped that the praying would calm her and send her back to her slumber. That was not the case this time – four, five then five-thirty ticked away and she stayed awake…wondering why.
She was weary. The despair wasn’t what one would think…it was deeper, darker…suffocating. There was that thumping noise again…what was it? David’s Psalm was echoing in her heart somewhere, “My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long?” Again, the tears came,” I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears.” Thump, thump, thump, crack! It was the sound of her breaking.
Her minds eye replayed the scene again. Her hopes trampled on, her dreams squashed, unrequited love. How could this be? She could see him, his pack on his back—wordless. His six-foot-three frame didn’t hide the boy she could still see. His gate and the back of his head looked the same to her as it did when he still loved to climb into her knee and snuggle into her neck; when his smile never left his face, even when he was sleeping; when all her hopes and dreams for him and his bright future still lived. Then the memory vanished into the darkness. “My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes.”
How could this be? Didn’t he used to love her? How could the very child she gave birth to and nursed so lovingly and nurtured and taught the best she could, despise her so deeply? And how could it be that both of her boys could make her feel as worthless and disgusting as their father had? Didn’t she raise them to be different? Didn’t she do anything right?
She fought to see his sweet young face again. Smiling mouth and twinkling eyes that said I love you mommy. That is where he would stay in her heart forever.
Despair…the result is weariness—deep, lonely, frustrated weariness. This is the gift of motherhood.
Hope in the midst of despair…no matter how hard to grasp—is the Gift of God.
“The LORD has heard my cry for mercy; the LORD accepts my prayer. All my enemies will be ashamed and dismayed; they will turn back in sudden disgrace.”
If only she could erase the despair.
She was weary. The despair wasn’t what one would think…it was deeper, darker…suffocating. There was that thumping noise again…what was it? David’s Psalm was echoing in her heart somewhere, “My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long?” Again, the tears came,” I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears.” Thump, thump, thump, crack! It was the sound of her breaking.
Her minds eye replayed the scene again. Her hopes trampled on, her dreams squashed, unrequited love. How could this be? She could see him, his pack on his back—wordless. His six-foot-three frame didn’t hide the boy she could still see. His gate and the back of his head looked the same to her as it did when he still loved to climb into her knee and snuggle into her neck; when his smile never left his face, even when he was sleeping; when all her hopes and dreams for him and his bright future still lived. Then the memory vanished into the darkness. “My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes.”
How could this be? Didn’t he used to love her? How could the very child she gave birth to and nursed so lovingly and nurtured and taught the best she could, despise her so deeply? And how could it be that both of her boys could make her feel as worthless and disgusting as their father had? Didn’t she raise them to be different? Didn’t she do anything right?
She fought to see his sweet young face again. Smiling mouth and twinkling eyes that said I love you mommy. That is where he would stay in her heart forever.
Despair…the result is weariness—deep, lonely, frustrated weariness. This is the gift of motherhood.
Hope in the midst of despair…no matter how hard to grasp—is the Gift of God.
“The LORD has heard my cry for mercy; the LORD accepts my prayer. All my enemies will be ashamed and dismayed; they will turn back in sudden disgrace.”
If only she could erase the despair.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
God's Arm Pit
Her screams pierced through the Christmas music being piped into the grocery store way too early in the season. Shoppers paused long enough to assess the situation and give the typical judgemental scowel accompanied by a shake of their head to be sure people saw their disapproval. The blonde headed toddler gave another shriek to let her mother know that she was still waiting to be released from the grocery cart. Her older brother sat on the floor and watched with a glazed look, obviously not new to him. As her mother worked quickly to unload the grocery cart onto the belt, I watched from my place in line, two carts back.
Initially I had thought, "oh great, I've picked the wrong line up again". I only had five things in my cart and as usual only 6 of the 25 lanes were open on a busy Saturday morning. But this day, I decided not to stress about it and waited to see how things would turn out for this determined toddler.
By the time she had let out her fifth scream, she had started to let herself out of the cart and was teetering precariously over the handle when her mother spotted her and grabbed her, only to be thanked with yet another howel of disapproval from her wee one. At that moment a young man joined the line up behind me with his very placid 8 month old baby seated in his cart. He gave me a look that said he was sure his sweet baby girl would never behave this way. I smiled back at him and sweetly reminded him that he should enjoy this stage.
I watched as the mother now struggleed with her toddler who had kicked her boots off. She wailed and wriggled, doing her best to get down. Her mother held tighter and kissed her face and head. She didn't seem concerned about what the people around her were thinking of her. Instead she did her best to comfort her baby girl, assuring her with her kisses and whispering her reasoning into her little ear. The whispers seemed to go unoticed though as she only struggled harder against her mother's willingness to hold her and keep her safe.
Eventually, out of necessity she did get released so that her mother could continue unloading her basket. A new level of struggle ensued as her mother very patiently and repeatedly took candy bars and gum out of her hands and placed them back on the shelf. Each time her kindness was rewarded with a shrill complaint from her child. And I began to think how often we react the same way to God's consistent loving protection over us.
He hedges us with protection in His loving arms and we push the boundaries and fuss and complain when He holds onto us. We reach for the candy bars in life that He didn't intend for us and throw a tantrum when he keeps them out of our reach for our own good.
While I was pondering, the mother had placed her child back in the cart and had not fastened the seat belt. While she hastely tried to pay her bill the little girl stood up in the cart and because of my gasp the mother turned in time to grab her child in mid-nose-dive. She saved her little one from certain injury and still she complained and fussed at her mother.
Then it occured to me that this too was just how we react to our Heavenly Father. We pray for blessings and protection and then when God grabs us in mid-nose-dive we are stunned and complain! Yet, He continues to love us. We are so undeserving of such consistent, unconditional love...yet He lavishes it on us. We fuss and He loves us more. We push and He holds on. We grab at what the world has to offer and lovingly He blocks our reach, reminding us that His plan is so much sweeter and richer than anything we can think or imagine.
As the mother pushed her heavy cart out of the store with her screaming toddler tucked under her arm, I had to wonder how much time had I spent tucked in God's arm pit, when I could have been nuzzeld against the warmth of His chest and wrapped in His arms? Still, I'd have to say that I would rather be in His pit, than be out of His love.
~cb
Isaiah 40:11
"Like a shepherd, he will care for his flock, gathering the lambs in his arms, Hugging them as he carries them, leading the nursing ewes to good pasture."
Initially I had thought, "oh great, I've picked the wrong line up again". I only had five things in my cart and as usual only 6 of the 25 lanes were open on a busy Saturday morning. But this day, I decided not to stress about it and waited to see how things would turn out for this determined toddler.
By the time she had let out her fifth scream, she had started to let herself out of the cart and was teetering precariously over the handle when her mother spotted her and grabbed her, only to be thanked with yet another howel of disapproval from her wee one. At that moment a young man joined the line up behind me with his very placid 8 month old baby seated in his cart. He gave me a look that said he was sure his sweet baby girl would never behave this way. I smiled back at him and sweetly reminded him that he should enjoy this stage.
I watched as the mother now struggleed with her toddler who had kicked her boots off. She wailed and wriggled, doing her best to get down. Her mother held tighter and kissed her face and head. She didn't seem concerned about what the people around her were thinking of her. Instead she did her best to comfort her baby girl, assuring her with her kisses and whispering her reasoning into her little ear. The whispers seemed to go unoticed though as she only struggled harder against her mother's willingness to hold her and keep her safe.
Eventually, out of necessity she did get released so that her mother could continue unloading her basket. A new level of struggle ensued as her mother very patiently and repeatedly took candy bars and gum out of her hands and placed them back on the shelf. Each time her kindness was rewarded with a shrill complaint from her child. And I began to think how often we react the same way to God's consistent loving protection over us.
He hedges us with protection in His loving arms and we push the boundaries and fuss and complain when He holds onto us. We reach for the candy bars in life that He didn't intend for us and throw a tantrum when he keeps them out of our reach for our own good.
While I was pondering, the mother had placed her child back in the cart and had not fastened the seat belt. While she hastely tried to pay her bill the little girl stood up in the cart and because of my gasp the mother turned in time to grab her child in mid-nose-dive. She saved her little one from certain injury and still she complained and fussed at her mother.
Then it occured to me that this too was just how we react to our Heavenly Father. We pray for blessings and protection and then when God grabs us in mid-nose-dive we are stunned and complain! Yet, He continues to love us. We are so undeserving of such consistent, unconditional love...yet He lavishes it on us. We fuss and He loves us more. We push and He holds on. We grab at what the world has to offer and lovingly He blocks our reach, reminding us that His plan is so much sweeter and richer than anything we can think or imagine.
As the mother pushed her heavy cart out of the store with her screaming toddler tucked under her arm, I had to wonder how much time had I spent tucked in God's arm pit, when I could have been nuzzeld against the warmth of His chest and wrapped in His arms? Still, I'd have to say that I would rather be in His pit, than be out of His love.
~cb
Isaiah 40:11
"Like a shepherd, he will care for his flock, gathering the lambs in his arms, Hugging them as he carries them, leading the nursing ewes to good pasture."
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Let the Poor say "I AM RICH!"
The music washed over me like waves from the ocean. Warm and gentle, but forceful enough to jostle me out of my selfish thoughts. "Give thanks with a grateful heart ~ Give thanks to the HOLY ONE...and now let the weak say I am strong ~ let the POOR SAY I AM RICH because of what the LORD has done." I am certainly rich. I don't know about you, but I have seen the Hand of God in my life and HE has "done" so much for me and with me...therefore I am rich, because of what the LORD has done for me. I want my 'grateful heart" to be the thing people notice and remember about me. I want my legacy to be that of a runner...not away from disaster but TO GOD. I want my loyalty and hunger for Him to be the most memorable thing about me. Many years ago as i was rocking my baby, (who is now 17) I remember singing a song that led to sobbing as I realized how flippantly I was singing the words. "You are the potter, I am the clay, mold me and make me, this is what I pray..." After I tucked my wee one in bed, I prayed that God would do "WHATEVER" it takes to me make me like Him. Be careful what you pray for. He has been doing that ever since...and I am surprised and fight it at times...but He is faithful to that which we ask of Him. I still have so far to go before I am anywhere near "like Him" and it is discouraging at times...but He is at work.
Change my heart oh God.
Proverbs 3: 3-6
3-4 Don't lose your grip on Love and Loyalty. Tie them around your neck; carve their initials on your heart. Earn a reputation for living well in God's eyes and the eyes of the people. 5-12 Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track. Don't assume that you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil! Your body will glow with health, your very bones will vibrate with life! Honor God with everything you own; give him the first and the best. Your barns will burst, your wine vats will brim over. But don't, dear friend, resent God's discipline; don't sulk under his loving correction. It's the child he loves that God corrects;
a father's delight is behind all this.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Moving Hurts
So we have moved most of our stuff…and we are very tired and emotionally drained. Moving hurts...in many ways.
The weather was great on the weekend…sunny but not humid. Today was a different story…very humid. I have learned a few things about me…mostly things I’m not good at.
I’m not as organized as I used to be
I’m not very good at packing
I don’t like being uprooted
I don’t have the brain power to balance too many things at once
I’m not as organized as I used to be
I might have Alzheimer’s!
We have had minor cuts and bruises, (including when Noah ran over his own toe with his scooter) but nothing major. And in the midst of this Terry’s vehicle died a very sudden death…just what we needed. There were end of year events up the wazoo…just what we needed. Come the actual move day, we had fewer friends than last we counted…just what we needed. Or was it exactly what we needed? ” This is the very day God acted— let’s celebrate and be festive!” ~Psalm 118:24
Each of these days, even the last few were planned form me, by God Himself! Have I been glad and rejoiced in them? Not really…I am ashamed to say. I have wanted to be joyful in this journey, but I have to admit I have been a bit cranky and even ugly at times. But I am reminded that all this is no surprise to God. Not my whining and complaining, not the broken car, the unorganized mess we have been trying to move…not even the way I am feeling at this moment. He planned me and all my days. And even when I am not walking in the way He had planned for me, He is there with me. I never lifted one box alone! It is my choice however, to either complain and grumble or celebrate and be festive…I have decided I like being festive.
If God took the time to plan ALL my days for me…the least I can do is honour him while I live them out.
“Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb. I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvellously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day.” ~Psalm 139:16
I’m not as organized as I used to be
I’m not very good at packing
I don’t like being uprooted
I don’t have the brain power to balance too many things at once
I’m not as organized as I used to be
I might have Alzheimer’s!
We have had minor cuts and bruises, (including when Noah ran over his own toe with his scooter) but nothing major. And in the midst of this Terry’s vehicle died a very sudden death…just what we needed. There were end of year events up the wazoo…just what we needed. Come the actual move day, we had fewer friends than last we counted…just what we needed. Or was it exactly what we needed? ” This is the very day God acted— let’s celebrate and be festive!” ~Psalm 118:24
Each of these days, even the last few were planned form me, by God Himself! Have I been glad and rejoiced in them? Not really…I am ashamed to say. I have wanted to be joyful in this journey, but I have to admit I have been a bit cranky and even ugly at times. But I am reminded that all this is no surprise to God. Not my whining and complaining, not the broken car, the unorganized mess we have been trying to move…not even the way I am feeling at this moment. He planned me and all my days. And even when I am not walking in the way He had planned for me, He is there with me. I never lifted one box alone! It is my choice however, to either complain and grumble or celebrate and be festive…I have decided I like being festive.
If God took the time to plan ALL my days for me…the least I can do is honour him while I live them out.
“Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb. I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvellously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day.” ~Psalm 139:16
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Packing up the dreams God planted….
I’m packing…well actually I’m writing, but I SHOULD be packing! We are on the move again. Not exactly what I expected when we moved here 4 ½ years ago. I really thought this house would eventually be ours and that we would put down deep roots and never leave or move again. I thought this was an open door from God and that He was planting us in this neighbourhood and this house to be a beacon of light for Him. We prayed that we would be a lighthouse in the midst of this street, pointing each of our neighbours to the Cross. I was sure He planted us here … to stay.
But we are moving…two doors down. I have shared how I think God must not just get a chuckle over me, but a full belly laugh! I realized that I truly believed that “I” could direct God through my prayers. I told Him, that we have been praying for our neighbours and that we need to stay and continue the work. That Gracie considers this her mission field. Thinking all the while that He would keep us here in this house…He planted the dream, and I couldn’t even recognize it. It’s not about the house or my comfort level but about my obedience to Him…to give Him that “thing” I am holding back from Him. And the realization that it is not about me, but about how and when and where He chooses to use me. I wanted to make an impact in this neighbourhood and wherever I go, but without obedience to Him He cannot use me.
But it is not we who will remain, but HIM. We may be remembered by some people on this earth, but our calling and our obedience to that calling will be what lasts forever, to the Glory of God. 1 Peter 2:9-10 says: “But you are the ones chosen by God, chosen for the high calling of priestly work, chosen to be a holy people, God's instruments to do his work and speak out for him, to tell others of the night-and-day difference he made for you—from nothing to something, from rejected to accepted.”
He plants the dreams…and sometimes we live out the plan in one place…and then sometimes we pack up the dreams God has planted and move on to the next gig. As long as the spot light remains on Him and I can look forward hearing “well done thou faithful servant”. The great thing is the dream isn’t dead…it’s just being relocated.
I surrender all! Whatever I hold onto is YOURS OH GOD.
“Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honour, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he ploughed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!” ~Hebrews 12:1-3
Back to my packing now ...just remember which side is up! - - cb
I’m packing…well actually I’m writing, but I SHOULD be packing! We are on the move again. Not exactly what I expected when we moved here 4 ½ years ago. I really thought this house would eventually be ours and that we would put down deep roots and never leave or move again. I thought this was an open door from God and that He was planting us in this neighbourhood and this house to be a beacon of light for Him. We prayed that we would be a lighthouse in the midst of this street, pointing each of our neighbours to the Cross. I was sure He planted us here … to stay.
But we are moving…two doors down. I have shared how I think God must not just get a chuckle over me, but a full belly laugh! I realized that I truly believed that “I” could direct God through my prayers. I told Him, that we have been praying for our neighbours and that we need to stay and continue the work. That Gracie considers this her mission field. Thinking all the while that He would keep us here in this house…He planted the dream, and I couldn’t even recognize it. It’s not about the house or my comfort level but about my obedience to Him…to give Him that “thing” I am holding back from Him. And the realization that it is not about me, but about how and when and where He chooses to use me. I wanted to make an impact in this neighbourhood and wherever I go, but without obedience to Him He cannot use me.
But it is not we who will remain, but HIM. We may be remembered by some people on this earth, but our calling and our obedience to that calling will be what lasts forever, to the Glory of God. 1 Peter 2:9-10 says: “But you are the ones chosen by God, chosen for the high calling of priestly work, chosen to be a holy people, God's instruments to do his work and speak out for him, to tell others of the night-and-day difference he made for you—from nothing to something, from rejected to accepted.”
He plants the dreams…and sometimes we live out the plan in one place…and then sometimes we pack up the dreams God has planted and move on to the next gig. As long as the spot light remains on Him and I can look forward hearing “well done thou faithful servant”. The great thing is the dream isn’t dead…it’s just being relocated.
I surrender all! Whatever I hold onto is YOURS OH GOD.
“Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honour, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he ploughed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!” ~Hebrews 12:1-3
Back to my packing now ...just remember which side is up! - - cb
Monday, May 21, 2007
Do Puppies come in PAISLEY?
We recently added a new member to our family...and it's not what you think!
About a year ago we started discussions on getting a puppy for our family. We mulled it over and talked about what kind we might like and what colour.
In February we finally decided on getting a dog and that we would like a Cock-a-poo but Terry's stipulations were that it had to be black and in a certain price range. That same morning a friend sent us a link to an add for a black Cock-a-poo named Annie.
She was 5 months old and this sweet lady and her two boys had decided that, due to their busy life style and long days that it would be better for their puppy to be in a home where there was somebody home more.
We contacted her to learn more about Annie, she told us she was great with kids, paper trained and a cuddly puppy. Her asking price was out of range for us so we wished her well with her search for a new family for her puppy.
I was really sad, because I really loved this dog right from her picture, but knew that there would be other expenses along with her. However, after about 3 weeks of wondering I emailed her again, just to see how it went with placing the pup in a new home. While I was out, my husband received this lady's response only to find out she had been uncomfortable with the other family and still had Annie and she had dropped her price! Terry made arrangements to adopt her and when I got home there was a framed photo of Annie in the front hall with a sign that read: "welcome home Annie". What he didn't know was that I was planning to take him away for the weekend as a surprise. After much juggling and many secret calls, I arranged to have this wonderful woman to hold on to Annie for the weekend and she would deliver her on the Sunday.
When Sunday finally came, she arrived with her two, very sweet boys, her oldest boy's girlfriend and "ANNIE"!
I felt so bad for them, they clearly loved their pup, but they knew they were making the best decision for her, even though it was hard.
She suggested that she was probably young enough for us to change her name if we wanted to.
After a tearful goodbye, we started showing Annie around and immediately started training her to "go" outside. She did really well. We decided that we would call her "Holly" and off we went to the pet store to pick up a few things and a new collar, because her's was not clasping properly. I settled on a brown collar with green paisley and a matching leashe. I also had her new name tag made with the name "Holly" engraved on it.
Upon arriving at home, I showed Terry her new fashionable collar...one look and he said, "PAISLEY, that's her name!"
And that's how we learned that even Black Puppies can be PAISLEY!
Saturday, April 07, 2007
How Will You Choose? What Will Your Legacy Be?
My husband & I attended the Easter Musical Production put on by our church choir, entitled “HIS LIFE FOR MINE”. The idea was to give a musical portrayal of Jesus’ ministry, death and resurrection. Along with visual media’ amazing soloists, and a strong choir, the message was made clear.
Now I have been thinking a lot lately about my legacy and the heritage my children will receive from me. What will people say about me when I am gone and even while I am still here? Am pointing them to the Cross? Is my Legacy worth leaving? In the midst of this my sister gave me a card that read: “Thank you…to someone who genuinely finds joy in the happiness of others…someone who’s soft at the edges and strong at the center…” This was a great gift of confirmation for me as this is how I want to be seen by others. But I still want my Legacy to have an eternal effect.
Yesterday morning as we stood in church at our Good Friday service, I sobbed through “How Great Thou Art”. This is not an uncommon thing for me…usually because I can see my Nana with her head back, eyes closed and the odd tear running down the side of her face as she would belt out this great hymn from the bottom of her soul. Which reminds me of the amazing heritage I have received…to be raised in a home where love was God’s brand, the truth was spoken, and the example was sure. To have a husband who loves and serves the Lord and children who have accepted His gift of salvation. To have grown up and been taught in a church whose foundation and roots are 75 years deep and rooted not in the accomplishments of its founders but in the very word of GOD. I am truly blessed!
That’s not to say that there have not been hard times. I have had some really lousy things happen to me and I have made some really lousy choices that brought really lousy consequences! But through it all my heritage has been the CROSS!
Now I have been thinking a lot lately about my legacy and the heritage my children will receive from me. What will people say about me when I am gone and even while I am still here? Am pointing them to the Cross? Is my Legacy worth leaving? In the midst of this my sister gave me a card that read: “Thank you…to someone who genuinely finds joy in the happiness of others…someone who’s soft at the edges and strong at the center…” This was a great gift of confirmation for me as this is how I want to be seen by others. But I still want my Legacy to have an eternal effect.
Yesterday morning as we stood in church at our Good Friday service, I sobbed through “How Great Thou Art”. This is not an uncommon thing for me…usually because I can see my Nana with her head back, eyes closed and the odd tear running down the side of her face as she would belt out this great hymn from the bottom of her soul. Which reminds me of the amazing heritage I have received…to be raised in a home where love was God’s brand, the truth was spoken, and the example was sure. To have a husband who loves and serves the Lord and children who have accepted His gift of salvation. To have grown up and been taught in a church whose foundation and roots are 75 years deep and rooted not in the accomplishments of its founders but in the very word of GOD. I am truly blessed!
That’s not to say that there have not been hard times. I have had some really lousy things happen to me and I have made some really lousy choices that brought really lousy consequences! But through it all my heritage has been the CROSS!
One very poignant moment for me during the musical last night was a picture that was shown during one of the songs. In my first glance I saw a crown of thorns…one of the most realistic I have ever seen. The thorns were not the short ones of a rose, but long and piercing and painful looking. The mental picture of this being driven into the head of Jesus is repulsive…but then I saw behind the crown….the cross. Again the mental pictures that the cross represent are not pretty, and make me sad because he chose to be nailed to that cross for me….He knew I would need a Saviour….so there is even some comfort in the picture of the cross…but it is bitter sweet. Then I saw it…I hadn’t eve noticed it yet because I was so focused on the thorns and the cross and the awful things that they represented…but faintly, in the background was the silhouette of the RISEN LORD!
And I thought…”isn’t that just like me?” He was there all along, but all I could see was the thorns…life can be like that…we are so focused on the thorns that snag us and the crosses we must bear that we forget…and can’t even see the Saviour, His arms stretched out victoriously and waiting…waiting for me and for you to allow Him to intercede for us, to fight for us and to carry us. He has already won the battle, we know the end of the book and we win! Yet we still focus on the thorns and ugliness of this world.
UNLESS…we choose differently... What will YOU choose today? To see the thorns or your loving Saviour?
I choose JESUS!
~cb
By the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, the One you killed on a cross, the One God raised from the dead, by means of his name this man stands before you healthy and whole. Jesus is 'the stone you masons threw out, which is now the cornerstone.' Salvation comes no other way; no other name has been or will be given to us by which we can be saved, only this one."
Thursday, March 08, 2007
"I'm NOT worthy!"
I am often overwhelmed by a feeling of unworthyness...in many areas of my life. I have a husband and children I am not worthy of. I have gracious & loving friends I am not worthy of. I live in a house I am not worthy of...but most of all I serve a God I am not worthy of. And yet He loved me so much He sacrificed His only Son for me! For me! Knowing full well all that I would do in my lifetime, all the ways I would shame and disgrace Him, all the destructive thoughts I would have even before I had them!
Yet He died for me! For me! Jesus endured one of the most painful, gruesome and even shameful deaths, so I wouldn't have to. So I could live eternally with Him.
As I sat through Communion service this past Sunday and watched as my Husband served the elements I was overcome by HIS AMAZING GRACE. Pastor Reed reminded us that this was JESUS' body, broken for me and for you!
He knew, and yet he Loved. He knew that even though He had a path planned for my life that I would wander off of it and He planned a way back for me even before I needed it. He knew me, before I was here and He loved me knwoing all that I would do and not do.
"Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb. I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, know I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day. "
It's true! I'm not Worthy! And yet in His eyes I was worth it all!
"He was looked down on and passed over, a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand.One look at him and people turned away. We looked down on him, thought he was scum.But the fact is, it was our pains he carried— our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us.We thought he brought it on himself, that God was punishing him for his own failures.But it was our sins that did that to him, that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins!He took the punishment, and that made us whole. Through his bruises we get healed.We're all like sheep who've wandered off and gotten lost. We've all done our own thing, gone our own way.And God has piled all our sins, everything we've done wrong, on him, on him. "
If I hadn't been unworthy...He never would have saved me!
~cb
Friday, February 23, 2007
The Flame
She moved about her home, like a robot, trying her best to keep it together to do what was needed -- what is expected of her. Something was missing and had been for awhile, but she couldn't put her finger on it. It must be the stress...it must be the illnesses...it must be not knowing...She stopped and lingered on the edge of the canyon -- feeling the pull she tried to move on so as not to slip on the crumbling ledge...if she stood there much longer it surely would not hold her weight and she would be lost forever.
As she turned to distract herself it happened....the force was winning and she was pulled under the wave of grief and anxiety.
"Why?" was all she could say as she fell to her knees. Clinging to the side of her bed, as if it were the only thing that could keep her from slipping all they way into the dark hole of her despair. The tears made tiny puddles on the hardwood floor and her nose ran onto her lips and she did nothing to stop it.
"Father? Are you even there? Where have you been? We need you LORD! I'm sorry -- I haven't been coming to you. I can't even hear you anymore -- oh Lord I need to hear from you.!" I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS. Oh Father forgive me! I am so weak! I am not worthy of you or your love or your protection. HUSH CHILD -- MY SON DIED FOR YOU -- I AM WAITING FOR YOU. MEET ME AT THE RIVER. I WILL BE THERE -- AND YOU WILL NOT BE FORSAKEN.
She pulled herself off the floor, almost too drained to move. Her legs shook as she made her way to the door. But deep inside there was a warmth. Something was happening, the flame was being fanned -- she thought it had long been doused -- but even in the cold, dank darkness it couldn't go out...the flame of hope is eternal.
~cb
"I pray to God—my life a prayer— and wait for what he'll say and do. My life's on the line before God, my Lord, waiting and watching till morning, waiting and watching till morning. " ~Psalm 130:5
Thursday, February 22, 2007
A broken heart is mended by Promises Kept
Is it possible to die from a broken heart? I know a boy, who is so lost it breaks my heart. I also know that God doesn't break His promises and so I am standing on them...a little wobbly but standing on His promises none the less!
Proverbs 22:6 says: "Point your kids in the right direction — when they're old they won't be lost. "
I am clinging to that for my boy...he was created to do great things and though the roaring lion seeks to devour him, but Jesus is the Victor and HE will be glorified.
I am clinging to the promises - my grip is weaker at times - but HIS is stronger than anything that seeks to tear us apart.
Proverbs 3 encourages me:
"Good friend, don't forget all I've taught you; take to heart my commands. They'll help you live a long, long time, a long life lived full and well. Don't lose your grip on Love and Loyalty. Tie them around your neck; carve their initials on your heart. Earn a reputation for living well in God's eyes and the eyes of the people. Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track. Don't assume that you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil!Your body will glow with health, your very bones will vibrate with life! Honor God with everything you own; give him the first and the best. Your barns will burst, your wine vats will brim over. But don't, dear friend, resent God's discipline; don't sulk under his loving correction. It's the child he loves that God corrects; a father's delight is behind all this.
I want to do this well...I want my struggles and my triumphs to glorify God - but then I guess they aren't my own - they are His - - - and so is my boy. Carry him to safety Father.
~cb
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Nine Years of Amazing Love!
Today I celebrate nine years of marriage to the man of my dreams. I am fully aware of how blessed I am and that there are only a handful of people like me. How many out there can honestly say that they married the man they dreamed of as a little girl…literally? I don’t ever want to take for granted the amazing gift from God that is my husband. I never feel quite worthy enough to be his wife, but I am thankful everyday for him.On our wedding day I told him in my vows that I knew he was God’s proof of His Graciousness to me. He was the balm on my dry parched soul after the dessert and the sunlight of my life after years of rain and storms. These words continue to be true.
I am a blessed woman and a grateful one too. I have a husband who is faithful to only me. He loves the Lord and loves me with the love of the Lord. He is good, kind, noble, trustworthy, tender, loving, full of integrity, and sexy to boot!
What is sad is that it shouldn’t be so rare for a woman to be able to use such words to describe her husband, and yet I know of several women who don’t have that feeling of awe that I have when he comes through the door at the end of the day, or the butterflies I get in my stomach when he is home early and I didn’t expect him. The thrill I get when he puts his arm around me in Church and runs his thumb along my neck. The warmth he can transmit through his eyes, and although he may not say it all…I know it’s there, waiting for me…right behind his eyes and deep in his heart.
My Groom is my gift from God, and my love for my Groom is new every morning and deeper with each moment. I waited a lifetime for him and almost gav
e up hope…but he came to me just in the nick of time.Happy Anniversary Babe! I love you more each day!
~cb
“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom can be no variation, neither shadow that is cast by turning.” James 1:17
“Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.” Philippians 4:8
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Pressin' On!
I’m sick…really sick. I’ve never been this sick in my entire life…except for the scarlet fever I had when I was 13, but I don’t remember those 2 weeks of my life. I won’t bore you with the gory details…well…maybe I will. Did you know that Strep throat can travel to your other organs? Except by the time it gets to your kidneys, it’s no longer strep “throat”. I wonder if they call it strep kidneys…hmmm. I think maybe not…Anyway, talk about painful. In addition to this, my littlest one has had impetigo which is also caused by the streptococcus bacteria. This can actually lead to flesh eating disease, so we have had to wash his face, hands and arms with a prescription cleanser and apply antibiotic ointment. He is looking much better, but not entirely cleared up and this morning he started coughing (which I started 2 days ago) now I am wondering if I am developing pneumonia.
Throughout this time I have been having excruciating headaches and dizziness and that has prompted me to think about the many dear souls who are chronically ill or even terminally ill. They are in constant pain, with the knowledge that there is no light at the end of their tunnel…at least not on this earth. I have wondered how I would function if I were terminally ill and in pain 24/7.
All that thinking about being terminally ill, lead to thinking about my family and how they would handle me dieing but more importantly, if I did die…what would I leave behind? And by that I don’t mean who I would leave behind. I already know that, my beautiful man, our 6 kids and one grand-baby. What I meant by “what would I leave behind” is what would I be leaving them? What will my legacy be? What will there inheritance be? How will they remember me?
I know that some might think these are morbid thoughts, but for those of us who live with an eternal perspective, I believe this is a must. We must question our actions, our motives, and our impact on others. In my journal I wondered the same things I have been wondering of late. November 2, 2005: “I often wonder how I will be remembered by my Husband & children. What will they say about me when I am gone? Will a sweet smile come to their faces when they think of me? Will they carry on the traditions I started? Will they speak well of me to their own children? I have stumbled and fumbled through these years … 22 years of parenting. Will they resent me for this?”
I’m pretty sure I’m not going to die from this strep thing, but I think it is healthy to hold ourselves accountable for the impact and impressions we will leave on others, especially the ones that God has entrusted us with. He gave me a beautiful man to love and honour. Am I doing that? I hope so…I know I need him more than oxygen. How to get him to need me that same way remains the elusive dream. But I will honour and love and cherish him till the day I die.
And hopefully my daughters will find men just like him and will know from my model how God wants them to treat their husbands. God also gave us 6 amazing children. How I have done with them still remains to be seen. If I could measure my success as a parent by the amount of love I have in my heart for each of them, then I would be the best parent on the planet! But unfortunately there is so much more to it and God doesn’t send them with a manuel…well He does, but we actually have to read the Bible and spend time with Him to hear Him.
I have, at times failed my children, just by not spending time with Him. Then there are the things we cannot protect them from. Like people who also have an obligation to them, but treat them as pawns and use them to either make them look good or to use against those of us who truly love them. God help the man who has messed with my children…he will answer one day.
Beyond that, what will they say? In that same journal entry I wrote: “I am in a season where more than half of my children either think I’m stupid or they hate me for even being involved in their lives. It’s kind of lonely. But I believe they are worth it. How your heart must break LORD when we turn our backs on you or don’t allow you to help us. Forgive me Father.”
I guess in the end we wont be able to control others’ perceptions of us, but will matter is what He says when we stand before Him. Will He say, “Well done my good and faithful servant”? Let it be so dear God! In the mean time, I will try to keep the thoughts in the front of my mind that every little thing we do here, in this little blip of time on the huge time line of eternity is counting for eternity.
I will remember that I want my kids to say to their kids, “my mom was the sweetest lady, and I always knew she loved me, and I always knew I had a soft place to fall with her”. I want them smile sweetly when they hear a song I used to sing and hear my voice whispering, “I love you - - - don’t forget”. I want them to treasure every memory they have of me. I want their heritage to be rich and full of love, so that they in turn will love the spouse and children God gives them well.
And that is why, I press on.
“I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running and I'm not turning back.” ~Philippians 3:12-14
”I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.” ~Philippians 4:11-13
~cb
Throughout this time I have been having excruciating headaches and dizziness and that has prompted me to think about the many dear souls who are chronically ill or even terminally ill. They are in constant pain, with the knowledge that there is no light at the end of their tunnel…at least not on this earth. I have wondered how I would function if I were terminally ill and in pain 24/7.
All that thinking about being terminally ill, lead to thinking about my family and how they would handle me dieing but more importantly, if I did die…what would I leave behind? And by that I don’t mean who I would leave behind. I already know that, my beautiful man, our 6 kids and one grand-baby. What I meant by “what would I leave behind” is what would I be leaving them? What will my legacy be? What will there inheritance be? How will they remember me?
I know that some might think these are morbid thoughts, but for those of us who live with an eternal perspective, I believe this is a must. We must question our actions, our motives, and our impact on others. In my journal I wondered the same things I have been wondering of late. November 2, 2005: “I often wonder how I will be remembered by my Husband & children. What will they say about me when I am gone? Will a sweet smile come to their faces when they think of me? Will they carry on the traditions I started? Will they speak well of me to their own children? I have stumbled and fumbled through these years … 22 years of parenting. Will they resent me for this?”
I’m pretty sure I’m not going to die from this strep thing, but I think it is healthy to hold ourselves accountable for the impact and impressions we will leave on others, especially the ones that God has entrusted us with. He gave me a beautiful man to love and honour. Am I doing that? I hope so…I know I need him more than oxygen. How to get him to need me that same way remains the elusive dream. But I will honour and love and cherish him till the day I die.
And hopefully my daughters will find men just like him and will know from my model how God wants them to treat their husbands. God also gave us 6 amazing children. How I have done with them still remains to be seen. If I could measure my success as a parent by the amount of love I have in my heart for each of them, then I would be the best parent on the planet! But unfortunately there is so much more to it and God doesn’t send them with a manuel…well He does, but we actually have to read the Bible and spend time with Him to hear Him.
I have, at times failed my children, just by not spending time with Him. Then there are the things we cannot protect them from. Like people who also have an obligation to them, but treat them as pawns and use them to either make them look good or to use against those of us who truly love them. God help the man who has messed with my children…he will answer one day.
Beyond that, what will they say? In that same journal entry I wrote: “I am in a season where more than half of my children either think I’m stupid or they hate me for even being involved in their lives. It’s kind of lonely. But I believe they are worth it. How your heart must break LORD when we turn our backs on you or don’t allow you to help us. Forgive me Father.”
I guess in the end we wont be able to control others’ perceptions of us, but will matter is what He says when we stand before Him. Will He say, “Well done my good and faithful servant”? Let it be so dear God! In the mean time, I will try to keep the thoughts in the front of my mind that every little thing we do here, in this little blip of time on the huge time line of eternity is counting for eternity.
I will remember that I want my kids to say to their kids, “my mom was the sweetest lady, and I always knew she loved me, and I always knew I had a soft place to fall with her”. I want them smile sweetly when they hear a song I used to sing and hear my voice whispering, “I love you - - - don’t forget”. I want them to treasure every memory they have of me. I want their heritage to be rich and full of love, so that they in turn will love the spouse and children God gives them well.
And that is why, I press on.
“I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running and I'm not turning back.” ~Philippians 3:12-14
”I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.” ~Philippians 4:11-13
~cb
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
What I REALLY need is...
What I really need is a personal assistant...one with great writing skills...that way I would really post a "daily blog".
Such a person would need to have first hand knowledge of the inner workings of my complicated life and a clear understanding of how this affects me. Said person would need to be able to document my bizarre life, without making me sound completely crazy or totally pathetic. Also, if such a person existed…said person would need to completely love me and my family in order to colour the blogs with just the right tint of emotion and vulnerability.
Please apply in the comments section….thank you so much,
The entirely too busy and completely insane author of this blog site!!!
But seriously…I think God gave me a spanking today…once again I was getting wrapped up in my worries and struggles. Albeit legitimate problems…they are nothing for my sovereign LORD.
Here’s what God gave me today:
Isaiah 40:21-25
21[You worshipers of idols, you are without excuse.] Do you not know? Have you not heard? Has it not been told you from the beginning? [These things ought to convince you of God's omnipotence and of the folly of bowing to idols.] Have you not understood from the foundations of the earth?(A)
22It is God Who sits above the circle (the horizon) of the earth, and its inhabitants are like grasshoppers; it is He Who stretches out the heavens like [gauze] curtains and spreads them out like a tent to dwell in,
23Who brings dignitaries to nothing, Who makes the judges and rulers of the earth as chaos (emptiness, falsity, and futility).
24Yes, these men are scarcely planted, scarcely are they sown, scarcely does their stock take root in the earth, when [the Lord] blows upon them and they wither, and the whirlwind or tempest takes them away like stubble.
25To whom then will you liken Me, that I should be equal to him? says the Holy One.
Who am I that you would even consider me worth saving from an eternity in hell?
1. God is who He says He is
2. God can do what He says He can do
3. I am who God says I am
4. I can do all things through Christ
5. God’s word is alive and active in me
I’M BELIEVING GOD!!
You with me Sista?
~cb
Such a person would need to have first hand knowledge of the inner workings of my complicated life and a clear understanding of how this affects me. Said person would need to be able to document my bizarre life, without making me sound completely crazy or totally pathetic. Also, if such a person existed…said person would need to completely love me and my family in order to colour the blogs with just the right tint of emotion and vulnerability.
Please apply in the comments section….thank you so much,
The entirely too busy and completely insane author of this blog site!!!
But seriously…I think God gave me a spanking today…once again I was getting wrapped up in my worries and struggles. Albeit legitimate problems…they are nothing for my sovereign LORD.
Here’s what God gave me today:
Isaiah 40:21-25
21[You worshipers of idols, you are without excuse.] Do you not know? Have you not heard? Has it not been told you from the beginning? [These things ought to convince you of God's omnipotence and of the folly of bowing to idols.] Have you not understood from the foundations of the earth?(A)
22It is God Who sits above the circle (the horizon) of the earth, and its inhabitants are like grasshoppers; it is He Who stretches out the heavens like [gauze] curtains and spreads them out like a tent to dwell in,
23Who brings dignitaries to nothing, Who makes the judges and rulers of the earth as chaos (emptiness, falsity, and futility).
24Yes, these men are scarcely planted, scarcely are they sown, scarcely does their stock take root in the earth, when [the Lord] blows upon them and they wither, and the whirlwind or tempest takes them away like stubble.
25To whom then will you liken Me, that I should be equal to him? says the Holy One.
Who am I that you would even consider me worth saving from an eternity in hell?
1. God is who He says He is
2. God can do what He says He can do
3. I am who God says I am
4. I can do all things through Christ
5. God’s word is alive and active in me
I’M BELIEVING GOD!!
You with me Sista?
~cb
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
I love my Husband...I want to keep him
I love my husband so much. Sometimes I am overwhelmed by how much God has blessed me by giving me this incredible man. Tonight I found myself staring at him as we drove home, just trying to memorize every detail of his face and the look in his eye when he realizes he's being watched and how his smile spreads across his face, so sexy!
I have this fear that I wont get to keep him for as long as I would like...I think it's because I still can't believe he's mine or that he chose me! And because of this fear I find I do the memorizing thing a lot. I want to remember always, how it feels when he holds my hand completely in his, the smell of his neck, the warmth and security of his embrace, the many things he can tell me, just with his eyes, the incredible things just one of his kisses can do to me, his tenderness and his hungry love...
I want to remember his deep yet soft voice, as he leads me in prayer everynight before we sleep, his incredible capacity for faith, the real kind...the kind the BELIEVES GOD, not just in God, his big hopes and dreams for us and his enjoyment of our lives even with our limitations. I love how he enjoys just watching our wee ones and how he hasn't forgotten what it was like to be 14 & 17 just like our boys. I love his tenderness when he deals with our daughters and his frank honesty and openness with the boys.
I love my husband. He is my living proof that God is Gracious, he is the balm to my wounded spirit and my joy and laughter after the storms and tears. He is my best friend, lover, companion and soul mate. He is a gift right from my Heavenly Father's hand and I want to remember to treasure him as such.
I want to keep him...I love him with all of me.
"Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow." ~James 1:17~
~cb
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Be Careful what you wish for & Mind how you pray...
For the past 12 years I have prayed that all the “stuff” I had gone through in my life, wouldn’t be for naught and I also prayed that God would use me, and I mean use me anyway he saw fit. One of my gifts was a singing voice, and I figured that may be one of the ways He would use me, but instead for a period of about 6 years He removed completely from those opportunities. Although I missed singing, my heart on that issue was that if He wanted me to sing, He would put me in it and if He didn’t want me to sing, I didn’t want to. I had learned how much better it was to rest in His will than to have my own.
I sang publicly again, for the first time last, January. The song was titled “Completely Yours” and was truly a testimony for me…
I sang publicly again, for the first time last, January. The song was titled “Completely Yours” and was truly a testimony for me…
” I brought to you my heart, stained by the guilt of sin…”
It tells the story of God’s spirit in me being the only way I could be truly changed and then my promise…
”I’m completely yours, the rest of all my days, and this eternal debt can never be repaid. So I give to you my all, though it may seem small. You are ALL I need and I will always be completely yours.”
At the time our family was in the middle of a very terrible time. We were facing many struggles from every angle to the point of wondering what we had done so wrong to deserve all the attacks. But we came to the realization that they were just that, attacks and we didn’t have to battle them alone, but what we did with our hearts and minds during this time would be up to us. So we decided that if Job could praise God during his testing so could we and so WOULD we…the next time I sang publicly God gave me the perfect song for me personally, “Praise you in this Storm” by Casting Crowns. After months of rising at 5 am and being on my face before God and begging him to take this cup from us, we were no better off... His constant answer was "not yet my child...meet me at the river". I was amazed that I could sing this song…but then again…it’s not me is it?
“I was sure by now LORD, you would have reached downand wiped our tears awayStepped in and saved the daybut once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining
As the thunder rollsI barely hear your whisper through the rain"I'm with you"And as your mercy fallsI raise my hand to praise the God who givesand takes away”
My decision was to Praise Him in “THIS STORM” and all the ones to follow. I knew that even though I was praying everyday for relief, the season wasn’t over yet. I knew also that when the season ended and another began, more seasons just like the one were in would come again, in addition to this knowledge I was becoming keenly aware of God’s hand in all the little details of our lives and how He had been placing things in order before I even knew about them….little did I know how He was answering my prayers from years ago…
Fast forward to this Christmas Eve, 2006…my hubby took our youngest out of the church service in the morning, he was too wiggly and there was no child care this Sunday morning. He took him to play in one of the Sunday school rooms and shortly there after a woman joined them with her little guy. My husband introduced himself and they played there for awhile with the children. After a while the woman spoke, “your wife is a singer right?” My husband answered, “Yes, she sings here on occasion.” “She sang a song last year, called ‘Praise you in this Storm’ right?”” Yes that was her” he said. She recounted to him her talk with me after that service and how the song had touched her and why. She tearfully told me about her good friend in Cameroon, Africa who had just been diagnosed with Leukemia at a very young age. She then asked me who wrote the song. I had given her the name of the album by Casting Crowns. As she was leaving she thanked me for choosing that song for that day, because she needed to hear it and so did her friend. I told her that it is all God and He chooses the songs and gives me the opportunities. As she wound up her account of that day to my husband, she added that she had indeed gone out and bought the CD and sent it to her friend. She told him it brought her friend great comfort. My husband asked how her friend was doing, her reply, “she died”.
God was answering my prayer. I asked Him to use me, and he was, even without me knowing it. He used my own struggles, to lead me to a song that I thought was for me, but it reached all the way to Africa to comfort a dieing woman and her friend who couldn’t be with her.
This past fall I started to get to know a sweet young woman better. I had known her since she was a girl and had even taught her Sunday school. Certain circumstances in her life brought our paths together and I was honoured to be able to support her in a difficult time, but this was no coincidence. Once again, God was answering my prayers. Remember I asked him not only to use me, but that everything I had experienced would not be in vain…for nothing. Well it seems that even the stuff we think is just bad stuff is being used to glorify Him. Praise God for that. Well as Christmas was quickly approaching and money wasn’t coming in, I took ill, partly from an ongoing illness that is triggered by stress and partly just plain sick. My two wee ones were sick too. I almost couldn’t function at all, here it was a week before Christmas, nothing bought, no money to buy, nothing baked, no ingredients to bake with and no energy to do anything about it all. I started praying for a miracle, a Christmas Miracle. However, I didn’t have enough energy to imagine what form it could take.
It was in the middle of all this that this dear sweet tender-hearted friend who has been a balm to my heart and soul more times than she knows, and has ministered to our oldest daughter and grand-daughter, decided a course of action. She wanted to “play Santy”! Excitedly she and my oldest daughter started making lists and plans to go shopping. She shopped and wrapped and shopped and wrapped. She took me shopping, she took my husband shopping and on Christmas Eve, the gifts came out from under the tree to half way into the living room. The stockings were filled and had over-flow bags beside all eight of them! We were blessed beyond belief.
The best part of all was the joyful way in which she did this for us…really for HIM. She selflessly, obediently and sacrificially gave us and our children the Christmas we never would have had.
As my husband and I marvelled, this morning, at the miraculous way our Christmas came together, and thanked God for providing for us, we realized that it wasn’t all about us. Our friend kept saying this was the best Christmas ever! We thought we were the ones going through this because we had something to learn or because we had done something wrong. And in the midst of it as I tried to stop her from doing all this, my friend used my own words against me in an email…”it is our privilege to bear each other’s burdens and part of ministering to others is allowing them to minister to you”. She revelled in the joy and excitement that she was largely responsible for making happen, but not for her own glory or anything in return, just for the shear joy that comes from being obedient to God and open to Him using you. She was the instrument of our Christmas miracle. We prayed that God would use us, she needed to see Christmas in a different light, we had no money to make that part of Christmas possible for our children, God used her and WE ALL WERE BLESSED IMMENSELY!
Praise God for knowing His plans for us all. And praise God for His mercy. I am sure one day I will get a glimpse of the wings this friend cleverly hides under clothing…she is an Angel for sure! Thank you Sweetness! *mwah*
So…be careful what you pray for, be sure that you mean it when you pray, He hears us and will answer….and remember His plans are not our plans. Praise God for that too!
Jeremiah 29:11
~cb
To see the rest of the Lyrics to "Praise You in this Storm" by Casting Crowns go to: http://www.christian-lyrics.net/artist/casting-crowns/track/praise-you-in-this-storm
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
I Believe
I am convinced that NOTHING can separate me from the love of GOD! It has been a rough few days and although I fully expect the next few to be equally as rough I am finding comfort in the knowledge that I am not alone in my anxiety. I have a sweet friend who knows just when to show up or call. I have a husband who loves me no matter what I look like (poor guy) and I have a Saviour who knew that I would go through this very struggle. A gift was dropped in our mail box today, not something that could solve all our problems, but something to remind us that HE is in control and HE will provide for us, in many ways. He still does miracles! I am so grateful for this gift and the anonymous giver...I don't think they know how they did more than give a gift, but reminded me of how many times God has provided our needs and always does. In our own strength we can do nothing. I don't even want to try.
Right now I am praying that I can get my family through the holidays without feeling like they have been robbed of their traditions. But more importantly, we are praying for a miracle. My husband and I and a dear friend have agreed to pray for this and pray believing God for it in advance. It's so big; we are realizing how small our faith is. And He is stretching us...we know nothing is too hard for him...the question we have is "is it ok to ask for something big?" I think He is enjoying our attempts at this and the lessons we are learning in the process. Isn't this the whole reason for this season? Didn't He come to earth dressed like us so that we could have HOPE? Here is the thing about hope...Hope isn't what we would expect: it's not so much that God doesn't give us what we hope for as it is that we don't know the right thing for which to hope. Are we hoping for the wrong thing or is there more the thing we are hoping for than we know? Whatever it is...my decision is made.
I'm Believing God!
~cb
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Am I getting Old?
How do we know when we are getting old? Is it just so gradual that one day we wake up and realize we are old? Or, is it an annoying painful process that leads to cenility? Or do we know we are old when our friends...who are younger than us...start peeing on their sweaters? Who knows?...Who knew?
-cb
-cb
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Who's fault is it anyway?
We lose another battle and wonder why. We lose so many battles mentally before we even get to fight them spiritually. It's so unfair...whose fault is it...I'm so stupid...bitterness...and so on. Are you believing God? Are you worshiping God or yourself? Consider this...Even self-loathing is self-worship. Oh it's cleverly disguised as humility, BUT worship is focus and self-loathing takes the focus off of God and puts it on ourselves. While we focus on ourselves we are unable to focus on the battlefield.
Are you believing God when victory demands your all? No matter who or what rises up against you, God's TITLE TRUMPS every other. (Joshuah 10:1) God requires so much of us at times so that we can experience the unmatched EXHILERATION of partnering in divine TRIUMPH! (Pslam 47) Whether we are in it, or just coming out of it, or on our way there, we will have seasons where God is going to put His finger on our lives and say, "This time I am going to need every last ounce of you." So stand firm....and by the way...if we feel defeated, we have defeated ourselves. Do you know why? Because the enemy does NOT have permission to defeat us! GOD IS FOR US! Even in His chastisement of us, which, by the way, will NEVER be just for the sake of punishment, only to the degree that we are taught, so that we can be blessed.
Chew on that....
-cb
Are you believing God when victory demands your all? No matter who or what rises up against you, God's TITLE TRUMPS every other. (Joshuah 10:1) God requires so much of us at times so that we can experience the unmatched EXHILERATION of partnering in divine TRIUMPH! (Pslam 47) Whether we are in it, or just coming out of it, or on our way there, we will have seasons where God is going to put His finger on our lives and say, "This time I am going to need every last ounce of you." So stand firm....and by the way...if we feel defeated, we have defeated ourselves. Do you know why? Because the enemy does NOT have permission to defeat us! GOD IS FOR US! Even in His chastisement of us, which, by the way, will NEVER be just for the sake of punishment, only to the degree that we are taught, so that we can be blessed.
Chew on that....
-cb
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